[SCENE: Trinity Baptist Church. Enters Nancy, Velma, Ruby, and Harvey]


[Harvey to Nancy] Its a lotta people in here Auntie.

[Nancy] I know, it's First Sunday baby. That's when everybody shows up.

[Harvey] There wont be any room for Lily to sit down if she don't get here soon.

[Ruby] She better hurry fo' I go back and snatch her ass out that bed. I know that's where she is.

[Velma] I told her prissy behind to get the lead out. [sneaks sip of shinny] Dragging around like she got a problem.

[Nancy whispering] Shh...pastor is talking, and you got the problem.

[Pastor Jenkins] ...and He giiiiiiiiives you blessings. Now everyone gets blessings. You hard-headed ones who are just barely making it, are "functionally blessed". Now, it's not Gawd's in-ten-tion........to functionally bless anyone. Our blessings are intended to supply us beyond our wildest dreams, but some of you are blocking your blessings by backstabbing and backsliding...

[Ruby to Velma] He'll be sliding his back over to the house after service with his black ass, getting drunker than Scooter Jones!

[Velma] Girl, you know the first lady aint gonna let that happen today. It's First Sunday.

[Ruby] Girl you smell like Smitty up in here. You drinking in Church? Anyway, First Sunday is all the more reason to let him leave. More money for her to count today, so she'll let him be gone all day if he needs to be...and he's gonna need to be.

[Pastor Jenkins] ...says that you would have denied me three times! Why would you want to deny Him? Well, because some of you claim the Lord while in the building, but outside the building, you are ashamed of Him. Some of you look around before praying over your food in public. Ashamed of people looking at you. Those of you like that will remain functionally blessed.

[Velma to Nancy] Where's Carl?

[Nancy] I don't know. He's usually here early and stays here to talk to Lily after service. Speaking of Lily, why isn't she here yet?





[Ruby] Lemme go get that heffa. Velma...the icepick. Something tells me Ima need to stab this bitch.

[Harvey narrating] Dang, I never seen Auntie Ruby look so good and so mad at the same time. I didn't know what was happening, but the way my Aunties were whispering to each other, something was wrong. Maybe they were taking low because it was rude to talk in Church. I do know that much. I know that drinking liquor in Church was rude too, but that's Velma. She does what she wants. She got that icepick and probably a gun too in there waiting to shoot Uncle Carl as soon as he walked in.


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[SCENE: The house. Lily and Carl in Lily's room]



[Lily] Carl, I'm pregnant. You know that right?

[Carl] You what? You can't be pregnant. That ain't good Lily. How we gonna get rid of it?

[Lily] What you mean? I thought we were gonna be together? You told me you love me, right?

[Carl] I'm married to Nancy, and I said I love your body baby. How do you think we're gonna be together?

[Lily] You aint say that when you was on top of me pumpin' and sweatin'. Velma's gonna kick my ass up and down the street, then kick me out. I'm gonna have to stay with you. Besides, you don't even care about Nancy.

[Carl] I aint about to have this conversation with you right now Lily. Don't you gotta be at Church or something?

[Lily] Don't do that! [crying] Don't treat me like I'm some kid. I ain't gotta go nowhere. What you gonna do Carl? Are you gonna take care of us?

[Carl] Lily, I gotta go. I can't deal with this right now. We'll talk later.

[Ruby] Naw Mothafu*ka, we gon' talk about this NOW!




[SCENE]